INDEPENDENCE DAY

Happy Fourth of July!

Enjoy the day with family and friends, but remember those who came before us and those who serve us now--our troops and their families.

Okay, one rant because I just cannot resist: I was watching the Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest (this is the start of the problem) live from Coney Island and overheard the emcee call the line of very odd men and women sitting in front of piles meat and buns, "athletes." Are you kidding? As someone who has been around real athletes I am appalled they call a guy dressed in a giant coonskin hat or a skinny Japanese guy with yellow hair who stuffs things into their mouths "athletes."

It's another fine example of how we tear things down--standards or titles--because the majority of people cannot reach them. Instead of raising people up to higher standards, we simply pull down the standard so anyone who can eat something quickly can be called an athlete. How would it look to see some slob covered in hot dog parts on the cover of Sports Illustrated alongside Venus Williams, Lance Armstrong, LeBron James, Peyton Manning, or Clinton "Ramgage" Jackson.We keep denigrating rare things until they no longer have meaning. And our culture shows it...so few have meaning.

Same thing goes for "video game athletes." These people sit on their backsides and press buttons. THEY ARE NON-ATHLETES! Get outside and skateboard for yourself. You are not Tony Hawk bacause you play his video game. To be Tony Hawk you have to skateboard--outside on a REAL skateboard with your own body. In fact, you have to master skateboarding and that cannot be done by flicking buttons sitting on a sofa. Instead of sitting around your living room in your nasty pajamas and thumbing your way to John Madden NFL glory, get outside and play the game. throw a ball; catch or kick one. Then, call yourself an athlete. Heck, call yourself John Madden for all I care, but if you don't play the game, don't take on a title you don't deserve.

On Paula Abdul's new reality show, Hey Paula!, her very odd stylist tells her people are trying to tear her down and she replies, "But I'm a warrior." A warrior? Is she kidding? She fights to stay sane or to find a new job or get to the Grammys on time, but she is NOT a warrior. The Marine (Maj. Doug Zembiec) in the post below is a warrior. My cousin Maj. Andrew Warren is a warrior. Paula Abdul is a quasi-entertainer.

Mr. Conspicuous Consumption, Arnold Schwarzenenegger calls himself an environmentalist because he has a hybrid Hummer? Or Al Gore whose carbon footprint on his five or six homes is greater than Honduras? We've used the word "revolution" to describe everything from razors to diet drugs to cat litter. What are we going to call an armed insurrection if we have one? Did I just answer my own question? Okay, what about the word "Czar"? Comes from the Latin "Caesar" and has been used as a title to describe the supreme ruler of Bulgaria, Serbia and Russia since the 900s. Now we have drug czars, war czars, energy czars, cupcake czars. When does the insanity end?

Drug dealers are not "alternative pharmacists."

Al Sharpton is not a "Reverend."

Bloggers are not "journalists."

Dr. Love is not a "Doctor." Come to think of it, neither is Dr. Hook. Oh, and hate to break your heart, but the Captain, of Capt. and Tennille fame, is not a "Captain."

Paris Hilton is not a ... well, Paris Hilton is nothing really.

Competitive eaters are not athletes. They are people who stuff foods into their bodies. Let's stop tearing down high standards and rare titles. Gives us all something for which to shoot. So the American guy, Joey Chestnut, who just beat the reigning champ, Takeru Kobayashi, by downing 66 hot dogs in 12 mins. should wake this morning and call himself a competitive eater or food stuffer, but not an athlete. Oh, and hot dogs are not really dogs, so maybe we should also rethink that.