IS IT FULL?

I don't usually pass along the many, many stories I receive via email each day, but this one is really worth it. My good friend Paul Overbay forwarded it to me and it really struck a chord. I've been traveling and working in NC and haven't had a chance to sit down to create a post in two long weeks. When I finally sat down this morning with the intention of whipping up a message, I first opened Paul's email with my coffee and it was so good I think I'll use it as the post. Thanks to those who passed it along and to Paul for passing it to me.

Priorities and Your Life Container
When things in your life seem almost too much too handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the two cups of coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full they agreed it was. The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous "yes."

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed. "Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things: God, family, your children, your health, your friends, and your favorite passions--things that if everything else was lost and only they remained your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, and your car.The sand is everything else -- the small stuff. If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.

The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out to dinner. Play another 18 holes. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. "Take care of the golf balls first -- the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented.The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend."

GO INTO THE DARK

Are You Where You Should Be or Some Other Place?

A man walking his dog late one night in a dark parking lot spies another man on his knees under a lamppost. The man is swaying back and forth—obviously drunk. So, the man walks his dog over to the man and politely asks, “Excuse me, sir, can I help you find something?”

The man on his knees looks up with bloodshot eyes and replies with slurred words, “I . . . I’m looking for my keys. I think I lost them over there near the door to that bar.”

The man with the dog looks over to extremely dark area near the door. “Sir, if you lost them in over near that door why are you way over here under this lamppost looking for them?”

“Because, dummy,” retorts the drunk man. “This is where the light is.”

Are you where you want to be in your life? Where you need to be? The self-help market in this country is estimated to be worth almost $11 billion. That’s billion with a capital B! That figure seems to indicate that most people are not where they need to be. At least the people buying those books, CDs, and materials are searching, the rest are under the lamppost. We are where the light is instead of where the keys are lost—the place where the keys to our happiness and self-fulfillment lie hidden in the hard to see places. Why do we spend out time in the lighted place—where the keys are not—instead of the place where we must work harder, but where the keys certainly exist.

Hint: I just gave you the answer.

Because, it’s the place where we must work harder. Most of us don’t like difficult things. We like comfort and security. We value safety and the absence of conflict. We create cars that parallel park themselves, for goodness sake!

Now, don’t get me wrong, we are smart. Like the drunk man we know where the keys are, we choose to ignore it and go to the easy place. We pretend to search and work under the light knowing it will do no good.

QUESTIONS
1. Are you the person you know you should be?
2. The father/mother you should be?
3. The friend you should be?
4. The manager you should be?
5. Are you happy?
6. Do you like yourself?
7. Are you one of the best people you know?
8. Are your priorities in line with your quest to be one of the best people you know?

Now that you’ve answered these questions, ask yourself one more: Are you are in the dark where the keys are, or are you under the lamppost in the light? Are you doing the difficult thing that will certainly lead to being a better person, or the easy thing that requires no hard work—lets you stay in the comfort zone—and accomplishes nothing?

I offer the exact opposite advice of the diminutive, squeaky-voiced Tangina in the movie Poltergeist, “Do not go into the light! Turn away from the light! Do not go into the light!”

Get into the dark places, do the work and make yourself better. Find the keys to your happiness and then there will be no dark places.

PLOWSHARES INTO SWORDS

Confessions of a Modern Rebel

I am an avid reader. If it has words on paper (or on a computer screen;-) I want to absorb it. The pursuit of knowledge is a passion for me, so when I read a good book I pass it along to my ever-growing list of friends. I’ve been called a “pusher” because when I get excited about a book I let everyone know about it and “push” it on them.

I read one such book last year and find myself returning to it over and over: The 33 Strategies of War by Robert Greene.

I am a Christian, and for those of you who follow other faiths I think you too will find a good lesson here. I was reading the book this past weekend after attending the funeral of A.L Mitchell and ran across this quote from Matthew 10:34: “Do not think that I have come to bring peace on earth; I have not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to set a man against his father and a daughter against her mother . . .”

That’s Jesus speaking. Surprised? It’s a dramatic departure from the gentle, peaceful Jesus most Christians picture. Most see Him as leading lambs and surrounded by children as popular picture books portray Him. But, this Jesus is a rebel. He is saying He isn’t here to bring peace or be part of the status quo, but to upset the tables of the moneylenders in the Temple, and disagree publicly with the teachings of the Pharisees . . . He doesn’t bring a plowshare, but instead brings a sword. He says He is here to upset the status quo.

A sword in our modern lives is whatever we are doing to stand up against things that are just not right. Theodore Roosevelt might have called it our “righteousness.” The sword is our backbone—our resolve—our determination and the actions it breeds to combat a bad situation and make it better. After the military disaster at Gallipoli in 1915, for which he was Lord of the Admiralty, Winston Churchill fell into the shadows, or as he called it, “the wilderness,” of British politics. He could have stayed there, or simply retired to life at his castle estate to paint and author books on history. Yet, when the rise of Bolshevism and Nazism scared others into silence, Churchill found his sword. He railed, almost daily, from 1933-1939 against placating Hitler and the Nazis. He was a thorn in the side of two Prime Ministers and even his own party. His long-winded and terse rhetoric against the Nazis and those who would bury their heads in the sand to them was summed up in his quote, "If a dog makes a dash for my trousers, I shoot him down before he can bite." Most people in Britain and Europe did not want to hear that. They were still rebuilding from the First World War, so they could not find the backbone to confront a new one—even though the Nazis and the fascists in Italy under Mussolini and the imperial Japanese made no efforts to hide their naked aggression. They saw it all, and simply closed their eyes hoping it would go away.

Churchill knew it would not go away on its own. He stood up and took a highly unpopular stance to goad the British people into finding their sword. Which they finally did in 1940 when he was chosen Prime Minster and the country finally took a stand against the Hitler regime and Nazi idealism. Churchill recognized the responsibility of his country drawing its sword, "But if we fail, then the whole world . . . will sink into the abyss of a new Dark Age made more sinister, and perhaps more protracted, by the lights of perverted science. Let us therefore brace ourselves to our duties, and so bear ourselves that if the British Empire and its Commonwealth last for a thousand year, Men will still say: 'This was their finest hour'."

Have you drawn your sword or are you falling in with the crowd and going with the flow? Ever wonder where the flow takes one? Well, if water follows the path of least resistance, then the water is simple going where it is easiest to go.

Are you following the status quo? Taking the path of least resistance? In a comfortable place? Not wanting to rock the boat? Afraid to stand up against something/someone louder?

Being a rebel is not a bad thing when it’s doing the right thing.

MR. EMORY AND HENRY PASSES

“Mr. Emory & Henry” dies at age 81. A.L. Mitchell, E&H’s longtime registrar and Beta Lamba Zeta Fraternity sponsor, died Monday, March 19.

Dubbed by Dr. Dan Leidig as “The Nicest Man in Emory,” Al has remained active on campus as a mentor to the members of BLZ and a rabid fan of E&H athletics. Funeral services are set for Wednesday, March 21, in Emory & Henry’s Memorial Chapel. Visitation begins at Noon, and the funeral will follow at 3 pm. In lieu of flowers, gifts may be made to the A.L. Mitchell scholarship fund at Emory & Henry (PO Box 950, Emory, VA 24327).

ARE YOU SANE?

Take This Test

During a visit to a mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what criteria determined whether a patient should be institutionalized.

"Well," said the Director, "In many cases we use a bathtub test."

"What in the world is a 'bathtub test?" asked the confused visitor.

The Director replied, "We fill a bathtub, then give the patient a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket and ask him or her to empty the tub."

"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "I see! A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No." said the Director, "A normal person would just pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"

Give this some thought. Do you always see the true answer or are you mislead by the choices others present to you? Think for yourself!

AUGUSTAN AGE

I watch the HBO series Rome each Sunday. As I am a novice student of Roman history and fan of HBO I settle in each Sunday evening and enjoy the show. It’s racy and violent, but it’s entertaining and I do love Roman history.

The series Rome began with Julius Caesar’s rise, short reign and violent death and is now in the early reign of his nephew and adopted son, Octavius (soon to be Caesar Augustus, 31 B.C. - 14 A.D.) and his Triumvirate partners Marc Anthony and Marcus Lepidus. Caesar Augustus’ rise was a continuation of a sort of revolution in the new Imperial Rome (imperial since Julius Caesar’s ill-fated reign). Augustus became a strong leader willing to change the status quo of what he considered immoral behavior.

Rome had no formal, written constitution. Instead it relied on an oral tradition of laws called the "mos maiorum," "the way of our ancestors". As the laws weren’t written down the mos maiorum were a matter of social traditions, mores, and general policies. They were Rome’s national character. The things that made one "Roman" and which had disappeared during the rule of too many corrupt and inept people.

Caesar Augustus came along, fortified his position as supreme ruler and launched what was called a 'nouus annus', a new age by passing laws to return Rome to a stricter adherence to the mos maiorum.

According to Wikipedia the “eight cornerstones” of the Roman Way were:

Fides: fidelity, loyalty, faith
Pietas: piety, devotion, patriotism, duty
Religio: religious scruple, reverence for higher power(s), strictness of observance, conscientiousness precision of conduct
Disciplina: discipline, diligence
Constantia: firmness, steadiness;
Gravitas: seriousness, dignity, authority
Parsimonia: frugality
Severitas: strictness in the moral sense

His reign as sole ruler of Rome became known as the Augustan Age—a shining time in the culture’s history.

These ideals were the foundation on which the Romans (who imitated the preceding Greeks) built a functioning society, spread their views, art, language, style, and societal structure around the known world, conquered and ruled 2,300,000 sq.mi of land, and lasted from 753 BC to 476 AD. It was the careless disregard of these “way of our ancestors” that began and exacerbated the decline and fall of the Roman Empire. Each time they disregarded the mos maiorum internal strife followed. They decayed from within and finally fell—never to rise again—when the Germanic chieftan Odoacer defeated and executed the (western) Emperor Orestes.

While I do not advocate the emulation of the Roman Empire or the Roman Republic that preceded the imperial age, I do think we should give a long look to the mos maiorum. The foundation stones that underpin any good, long-lasting and just society.

Do we still have those eight “cornerstones” beneath our cutlure? Do we respect these things? Loyalty? Piety? Dignity? Or do we mock them? Do we spit on them and reward the opposite behavior? Do we teach them (parents, schools, businesses, and societal organizations)? Do we exhibit them as our national trait or character? Constantia? Disciplina? Religio? Or have we removed these things so that we have no national character? Did someone who did not agree with them make us take them down and put them away in a drawer someplace? Are we a new Greatest Generation or have we already surrendered our national character? And if we are a hollow shell of a culture, is there a chieftain just ahead to will topple our empire?

We need strong leaders (not despots or emperors, of course), willing to stop our current slide into decline and reverse it by re-adopting and strengthening our national character. Strong leaders in our families, neighborhoods, towns and cities, schools, sports teams, businesses and governments to reestablish a national mos maiorum—rebuild our cornerstones and provide some stability if our culture is to continue and grow and prosper.

HOMEWORK:
Make a checklist of the mos maiorum and click off the ones you think we, as a nation, still honor. Then do it for your state, city/town, any organization to which you belong, and lastly those which you personally honor and keep.

BEWARE THE LOLLIPOP OF MEDIOCRITY

LICK ONCE AND YOU SUCK FOREVER

I heard this a few years ago from my friend Patrick Houghton. Pat could not stop laughing as he told me about seeing this on a t-shirt somewhere in his business travels. We both laughed about it, then, as the laughs slowed, the realization of the truth behind the humorous saying hit me. Mediocrity is a miserable existence and—like a haircut or bad habit—can become our personal status quo—something we do just because it is the way we have always done it.

Sometimes it is just too easy—too comfortable—doing the wrong thing. I say “wrong thing” because most of us have an innate desire for excellence—or at least we desire to be better. Most of us want to be the best we can be: the best father or mother, the best coach or teacher, the best lawyer or doctor or carpenter. However, somewhere along the way we are presented with the free lollipop of mediocrity. It appears bright, shiny, sweet-smelling and attractive. It comes to us at a time of crisis or need. It calls to us, “Come on, just one lick won’t hurt.” But, the t-shirt is right: lick it once and you suck forever. Fred Selfe believed it did not have to be forever—IF you are willing to break the chain of actions that got you into the mediocre behavior. That means you have to change in a big way. And the best way to do this is in small steps.

Microwave Mentality
Change is rarely easy. Change is downright difficult. Change takes courage and strength. A business mentor once told me, “Change is like making an omelet; you can’t make a good one without chopping up things and breaking some eggs.”

The Key to Lasting Change is make it a step-by-step process. Then, take one step at a time. Make your personal revolution an incremental revolution. As a professional manager I deal with behavioral change. When I first come to an organization I take long look at all the processes and procedures. I analyze them and make copious notes about them. Then I interview the managers of the process and ask, “Why do you do it this way?” The most common answer is, “No idea, it’s just the way it’s always been done.”

Nine Inch Ham
A newlywed couple sat down to their first meal together. The wife was extremely proud of the ham she’d made from her grandmother’s family recipe. The man took a look and noticed something odd about the ham—she had cut 3 inches off the ends and made it into a square. “Honey, why did you cut so much off the ham and make it into a square?”

She replied, “Well, that’s the way my grandmother has done it since I was a child and it’s the bet ham I’ve ever had.” So they ate and the ham was delicious. Thanksgiving rolls around and they are her family’s home. The grandmother is there, so the husband tells her about the ham:

“You know your granddaughter made your famous ham for our first meal together as newlyweds.” The grandmother beamed. “I . . . just wondered about part of the recipe . . .”

The grandmother looked puzzled, “Which part?”

“Oh the part where you cut three inches off the ends and make it into a square. How does that make the ham so delicious?”

The grandmother laughed. “Honey, the hams are usually twelve inches long and I only had a nine inch pan AND it was square.”

Sometimes there is no reason for why something is done a certain way. You smoke because your mother smoked and you’ve just always done it. You bite your finger nails because . . . you started years ago and you “just do it.”. Those are behaviors—learned and seemingly fixed. Changing those behaviors takes a long-term approach. AND, long-term behavioral change begins with a resolution to change and the first step toward it. If you want to stop biting your nails, decide to DO IT; tell your friends you are doing it and need their help and support; then research the best ways to keep you from biting each time you start (hot sauce, polish, etc.) It really is that simple. If you bite them once or twice, don’t throw in the towel. Recognize you’ve gotten off your path and get back on it.

Fred Selfe’s Ninth Great Big Small Thing is to do something small each day to make yourself better. If you want to completely change a behavior, a 100% difference, do something small—only a tiny .3% each and every day—at the end of a year you will have completely changed and been able to take off a few days. It is called an incremental revolution—a complete life-changing revolution in very small increments.

Tens of millions of Americans are currently dieting; few of them are losing weight and keeping it off. Weight maintenance does not work that way. Real and sustained weight loss requires lifestyle change and that can only happen over a longer horizon. Our microwave oven mentality expects everything to happen now and in an instant the way a microwave oven heats food—FLASH! It’s done. That may work for frozen peas, but is dangerous when making real, long-lasting behavioral change.

Dramatic and sustained change is a process best approached in small steps toward the full goal.