TEAM HOYT

This was shared by my beautiful friend Maria from Cullman, Alabama and is one of the greatest stories of love, inspiration, kindness and selflessness I have ever encountered. I will bet you cannot watch this story without shedding a tear...not of sadness, but of joy. Please pass this along to everyone you know.

A LITTLE SPARK OF LOVE AND HUMANITY

I received this the other day as one of those pesky viral emails. Goodness knows how many times it's circled the globe. I thought I'd give a perfuctory read then hit delete (as I do most of those pesky viral emails) but when I read it I was faced with a choice. I spend a good deal of time searching for personal encounters and events or filtering through unique thoughts to develop posts that will reflect the character and life-lessons of Fred Selfe. Lessons that will provide one more grain of sand; a single thought or act that may tip the scale of your life for good. So, when I read this much-passed-along story, I had to decide if it was one of those grains--would it help others make good choices to bettter themselves. Is the message better than one I could post to tell the same story and give the reader the same grain? I believe it will, so instead of posting the original story I intended, I am posting it. Enjoy!

Have a Shay Day

At a fundraising dinner for a school that serves learning-disabled children, the father of one of the students delivered a speech that would never be forgotten by all who attended. After extolling the school and its dedicated staff, he offered a question: "When not interfered with by outside influences, everything nature does is done with perfection. Yet my son, Shay, cannot learn things as other children do. He cannot understand things as other children do. Where is the natural order of things in my son?"

The audience was stilled by the query.

The father continued. "I believe that when a child like Shay, physically and mentally handicapped comes into the world, an opportunity to realize true human nature presents itself, and it comes in the way other people treat that child." Then he told the following story:Shay and his father had walked past a park where some boys Shay knew were playing baseball. Shay asked, "Do you think they'll let me play?" Shay's father knew that most of the boys would not want someone like Shay on their team, but the father also understood that if his son were allowed to play, it would give him a much-needed sense of belonging and some confidence to be accepted by others in spite of his handicaps. Shay's father approached one of the boys on the field and asked (not expecting much) if Shay could play. The boy looked around for guidance and said, "We're losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning. I guess he can be on our team and we'll try to put him in to bat in the ninth inning."

Shay struggled over to the team's bench and, with a broad smile, put on a team shirt. His Father watched with a small tear in his eye and warmth in his heart. The boys saw the father's joy at his son being accepted. In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shay's team scored a few runs but was still behind by three. In the top of the ninth inning, Shay put on a glove and played in the right field. Even though no hits came his way, he was obviously ecstatic just to be in the game and on the field, grinning from ear to ear as his father waved to him from the stands. In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shay's team scored again. Now, with two outs and the bases loaded, the potential winning run was on base and Shay was scheduled to be next at bat. At this juncture, do they let Shay bat and give away their chance to win the game?

Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat. Everyone knew that a hit was all but impossible because Shay didn't even know how to hold the bat properly, much less connect with the ball. However, as Shay stepped up to the plate, the pitcher, recognizing that the other team was putting winning aside for this moment in Shay's life, moved in a few steps to lob the ball in softly so Shay could at least make contact. The first pitch came and Shay swung clumsily and missed. The pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly towards Shay. As the pitch came in, Shay swung at the ball and hit a slow ground ball right back to the pitcher. The game would now be over. The pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could have easily thrown the ball to the first baseman. Shay would have been out and that would have been the end of the game.Instead, the pitcher threw the ball right over the first baseman's head, out of reach of all team mates. Everyone from the stands and both teams started yelling, "Shay, run to first! Run to first!" Never in his life had Shay ever run that far, but he made it to first base. He scampered down the baseline, wide-eyed and startled.

Everyone yelled, "Run to second, run to second!" Catching his breath, Shay awkwardly ran towards second, gleaming and struggling to make it to the base. By the time Shay rounded towards second base, the right fielder had the ball ... the smallest guy on their team who now had his first chance to be the hero for his team. He could have thrown the ball to the second-baseman for the tag, but he understood the pitcher's intentions so he, too, intentionally threw the ball high and far over the third baseman's head. Shay ran toward third base deliriously as the runners ahead of him circled the bases toward home. All were screaming, "Shay, Shay, Shay, all the way Shay" Shay reached third base because the opposing shortstop ran to help him by turning him in the direction of third base, and shouted, "Run to third! Shay, run to third!" As Shay rounded third, the boys from both teams, and the spectators, were on their feet screaming, "Shay, run home! Run home!"

Shay ran to home, stepped on the plate, and was cheered as the hero who hit the grand slam and won the game for his team. "That day", said the father softly with tears now rolling down his face, "the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of true love and humanity into this world."Shay didn't make it to another summer. He died that winter, having never forgotten being the hero and making his father so happy and coming home and seeing his Mother tearfully embrace her little hero of the day!

AND NOW A LITTLE FOOTNOTE TO THIS STORY: We all send out thousands of jokes through the e-mail without a second thought, but when it comes to sending messages about life choices, people hesitate. If you're thinking about forwarding this message, chances are that you're probably sorting out the people in your address book who aren't the "appropriate" ones to receive this type of message. We all have thousands of opportunities every single day to help realize the "natural order of things." So many seemingly trivial interactions between two people present us with a choice: Do we pass along a little spark of love and humanity or do we pass up those opportunities and leave the world a little bit colder in the process? A wise man once said every society is judged by how it treats the least fortunate amongst them. Have a Shay day!

BE NICE OR PAULA DEEN WILL EAT YOUR HEAD

Why is Common Courtesy so Uncommon These Days?

My friend Amy from Va. Beach gave me an idea for a post. She wondered aloud tonight what had happened to common courtesy in our society and I was jolted into remembering twice in the past few weeks when I was asked myself the same.

Once my sister, brother-in-law and niece were enjoying the movie Ratatouille and the woman in front of us started talking on her cell phone. Talking on her phone in the middle of a movie! Her husband obviously recognized her gross faux pas and tried to get her to put the phone away, but she promptly swatted him with her open hand and yelled at him. Then, this past Saturday my niece and I were stretched out on the beach reading when four people crammed themselves in the narrow space between us and the next group of people AND, once they’d gotten their chairs where they wanted them, their cooler unpacked, and all helped apply tanning lotion to each other they turned on a boom box and cranked the volume up to the point at which I could no longer enjoy my book.

So, again I ask, what happened to common courtesy? I’m considering calling Nancy Grace or Greta Van Susteren and setting those bloodhounds loose on the trail of our missing decency, civility and proper etiquette. They have vanished and in their place we find isolation, unkindness, insensitivity, poor manners, and excuse-making.

Here’s a little test for you to try this week: Open the door for as many people as you can for the next seven days and record how many people say thank you. Then come back here and post your results.

I’m not going into all the possible reasons for the continued lack of common courtesy here (that post could be a book in the making), but will, instead, say we should stop tolerating it. If we let it happen we are complicit in it. Instead we can each stand up and change it.

Here are 10 Ways to Make Courtesy Common Once Again:
10. Say please and thank you

9. Open the door for the person in front of you and turn to see if you can hold it for anyone coming in after

8. When you go indoors, put your cell phone on vibrate and turn it off in the theatre, church, a quiet restaurant or any place where people meet and talk

7. When the lane in which you are driving is ending, let the driver in the right lane go in front of you

6. When you walk in front of someone in a grocery store or
book store say, “Excuse me.”

5. Return phone calls as soon as the opportunity arises

4. Send thank you notes or emails when you receive a gift

3. If you use call waiting, don’t! If you feel you must, when
you are one call and another comes say, “Will you excuse
me one moment,” switch to the incoming call and that caller
you will call them right back, then return to the original call

2. Live up to your promises. That goes for being on time.

1. When someone says hello, return the greeting with a smile

Fight anger, disrespect and disregard with love, grace, kindness, and thinking of others before yourself. Turn them around with common courtesy—and if that doesn't work we can sentence them to community service cleaning up after Paula Deen--voted the nicest woman in the U.S. She’d kill them with kindness or eat their big fat heads.

CAPITOL HELL

The People Who Make Money Dividing Us Are Killing Our Country One Advertisement at a Time.

I guess I've spent so much time in NC lately that I forget what DC is really like. Don't get me wrong, I love the city--love the parks, the museums, bars, restaurants, art, architecture, etc., but some of the people make me quezy. I have really good friends there, and my former teammates on the Virginia Congressional Softball Team, Big Tobacco [formerly The Va. Hams] are great people. It's the smarmy political pimps that turn my stomach.

I was on Capitol Hill yesterday visiting some friends. It was a normal mid-summer DC day--hot, muggy, just rained buckets and the water was already evaporating. I asked one friend, (I won't disclose the person's name--all I will say is that he is a senior staffer in the office of a Republican Congressman from a state in the southern U.S.) what was new on the Hill. After a ten minute recap of the newspaper, The Hill's "Hottest on the Hill" list, he told me how the Republicans were reacting to the recent ads the Dems are running congratulating themselves on their accomplishments.

I'll paraphrase: They did this, so we're doing this. They want voters to believe this, so we're going to do a direct mail campaign to likely Republican voters on how they did this and that and more of this. "Off the record, we're using a new database to find disaffected voters and..." [Okay, I'll keep the content secret, but you get the idea.] Thirty minutes later I was shaking my head. I realize that with two parties heading into elections there will be competition, but this was a plan for war. In fact, it was a brutal assessment of how one side would dismember and destroy the other. To be fair, I called up a Dem. friend and solicited what he knew of his party's plans and, not surprisingly, they sounded just like the Republicans.

What I realized is that, while traveling around and working in NC, I see what American voters [and I would challenge my demographer/pollster friends to check this, but I believe the people I've met an ideal cross-section of American voters] think about their government and the political process. It ain't good. People have lost hope. I went online and these are the first legitimate poll numbers I came across. Here's what a recent AP poll found:

• Only 24 percent of those polled approve of the job the Congress is doing as a whole
  


• Poll respondents from both political parties say they're tired of the bickering between Congress and the White House, and they want the two branches of government to work together on such issues as education, health care and the Iraq war
  
  
• While public approval of Congress has dropped 11 points since May, the percentage of Democrats who are turning up their noses at Congress nearly doubled
  
  
• Approval among Democrats fell 21 points, down from 48 percent in May to 27 percent
  


• Approval of Republicans, at 20 percent, has not changed significantly in the past two months



• Only one-fourth of the people, or 26 percent, said the country is headed in the right direction

These numbers are pathetic! What would happen if a corporate executive got this "vote of confidence" from board members? He or she would be out the door tomorrow. What would a board of education do to a principal who received this kind of feedback from teachers and the community? Gone! And, the saddest part is that these numbers are normal. Sure, they go up and down a bit, but, for the most part, they are status quo. Am I supposed to tell my young cousin and little buddy, Graham Warren, this is what he should expect from his country? I refuse to do that. He deserves better--we all do.

So, what's being done about it? You have to ask yourself, if this isn't one of the major contributors to the sorry state of our culture. I certainly believe it plays a significant role. If we don't trust--can't trust--our elected leaders, what does that do to us? I've written before about the fact that most Americans claim they have no heroes. Is that any wonder when you consider that the guy getting ready to break a long-standing baseball record may be indicted for steroid use just after he hits number 756? Will slapping an asterisk on the number restore confidence in our national past-time? Will we never recover from the "depends of what the definition of 'is' is?" Have we finally fallen into the gray area of relativity and drowned in it?

I wondered if there a group within either political party working on reforming the party? Anyone turning over the tables or putting up barricades and lighting torches? So, I called my political consulting friends and even a woman I know who works for the RNC. Guess what? They don't believe there is anything in need of reform!! They like the way things [don't] work. Again, I used my contacts inside the Republicans,but I guarantee the DNC is the same. Same monster under a different bed.

The fewer people vote, the less work they must do. They spend less reaching smaller and smaller groups. The fewer people the more that can rely on micro-targeting to differentiate and market to those people. As Harvey Kronberg,editor of the Quorum Report, notes in a recent article, "Karl Rove ran the 2004 presidential campaign on the premise the political center had evaporated and the country was sharply divided into right and left. In his book, Applebee Nation, former Bush pollster Matthew Dowd explained their campaign didn't try to win converts. Instead, it used a technique called micro-targeting to find and turn out likely Republican voters in otherwise Democratic strongholds."

Guess what, people like Karl Rove are responsible for dividing the nation into right and left--rich and poor--white and black and brown--for or against the war. They want us divided so they can prey upon our fears. They incite anger over an issue then provide the opponent. They want us divided just so they can herd us to the polling place to cast a vote. They don't care about the long-term consequence of that division. Instead of relating through what we share: a common American culture, national language, desire to see our children healthy and prosperous, belief in an "inalienable" right "endowed by our Creator" to personal freedom...we're left divided by our position on abortion or the Iraq war or stem cell research or amnesty for illegal aliens or "tastes great, less filling."

Once they've spent hundreds of millions of dollars dividing us through constant media images, they collect their paychecks, their candidates become elected representatives and we [the governed] get screwed. Now we're all riled up over some issue, expect these people to solve that problem and we're sorely disappointed when they can't do it. We dislike the people they've convinced us are the people creating the problem and we're ready to fight. This cycle happens over and over from the local town council to our U.S. reps. that we come to beleive that there is no solution. There are no solutions. So we quit. We quit voting and even worse, we quit caring. We tune out of those issues and tune into American Idol or CSI or Paris Hilton [God forbid!!]

The people we elect get hit too, because they KNOW they cannot solve the problem [which may or may not actually exist] and end up with only 20 percent of the American people liking them.

20 percent!!! Look at it this way, you're at a cabin in the woods with 10 other people. Only two of them like you--the other eight think you're a tool and want you to leave. How would that feel?

We must change this! We have to stop taking it from the political consultants and fight back for decency. Question everything and refuse to stop until we get real answers. Hold people accountable for what they promise. Fight for a reformed process where the political parties [preferably more than two] stand for a non-moving set of principles and the process works to attract more voters instead of locking out those people. Demand that the people we elect STOP PLAYING POLITICS and GOVERN...and GOVERN WELL.

If we refuse to eat the pabulum, someone...SOMEONE PLEASE...will step up and lead us into a better, more unifying process. If not, we're doomed and we can't blame the damn dirty apes.

FISH TACOS AND FAST COMPANIES

“A great part of courage is the courage of having done the things before.”

I overheard a business conversation last week at a little oceanfront, locals-only, surfer hangout at Wrightsville Beach that got me thinking. I've been involved with management and leadership for the past 20 years and am always interested in learning more and better ways of doing things. I believe being a leader is an organic process that begins when you decide it begins and ends when you die. You read, experience, question, challenge, fail, get up, and continue to move forward. Being humble enough to accept you’ll never know everything and living as a constant student is not easy, but it’s a wonderful way to live. Each time I visit my friend Jeff Scheffer, CEO of Stanley Furniture, I peek at the stack of books on his desk he’s reading and digesting. So, I perked up when the women began discussing their company, of which one was an SVP or C-level.

I was semi-quietly munching on a fish taco (hard shell, not soft and dumbly covered in Sriracha so I was also trying to stop the burning) and overheard a woman in a gray, chalk-stripe business suit (closer to my age than the 20-something crowd also having fish tacos) tell her companion the following [paraphrased because I could only hear some of the conversation over the crunching of the taco shells, nursing my burnt tongue, and The Connell's wailing from the speakers: "I want to make [company name] a place where we are constantly challenging the way we do things. A place where we consistently innovate and do something new. But, I'm worried about how we achieve that. How do we continue to focus on our customers and the process at the same time?"

Great question (and great fish taco--best I've had since my days working in San Diego.) For some reason, perhaps due to an email I received from him last week, I thought of my friend Paul Harris. Paul is a partner in a boutique law firm in D.C. where he migrated from Raytheon and before that the Bush Admin's first term as Deputy Assistant U.S. Attorney General. When I met him, though, he was a young lawyer in Charlottesville, Va. running for Virginia's House of Delegates. I jumped in to help. We sat on my front porch each evening with cigars and Bourbon discussing big issues, planning the campaign and deciding to try a new strategy: Paul would never mention his opponent's name and he wouldn't say even one negative thing during the entire campaign--which included negative ads that the Richmond consultants were already warning us we “had” to do or we’d lose.

One thing I quickly noticed about Paul as journalists pounced on him and his opponent got his shots in at debates and joint appearances. Instead of the larger issue, broader questions we’d discussed on my front porch, they were tossing out obscure and micro-subject questions: How Chinese apple imports were affecting growers in Rockingham Co., or a new connector parkway cutting through the countryside of the city and county. Paul amazed me (and the electorate) with his answers. Instead of acting like he knew anything about the apple growers in Rockingham, he stripped that away and went straight to the principle of the issue. Should we protect American products from cheap foreign imports? Time and again he got to the root—the principle—of the issue and gave his response based on his stand on the principle. It was a breath of fresh air and it showed in the results: he won the primary against a ferret-like opponent with 73 percent of the vote and the general election by 66 percent. Paul became the first black Republican elected to Virginia’s General Assembly since Reconstruction. I think it was the conviction with which he answered questioned that made the difference.

I wanted to put down my fish taco (but I just could not because it was soooo good) and tell the woman behind me that perhaps that was the way she could consistently challenge the status quo and maintain her foundation at the same time. She could balance her objectives by continuously innovating, changing, adapting, moving forward AND remain true to her company’s ethos by keeping their principles at the front of every choice she made. Stripping away the superfluous details and using the principle to guide you as you kick down walls and go into the unknown.

She could take the advice of Ralph Waldo Emerson who said, “A great part of courage is the courage of having done the things before.”

I wanted to stick around and maybe talk with them--perhaps share my supreme knowledge and professional advice--but I'd licked the sun and had to run away like a baby to find something to quench the fire. Oh, in case you try this, Corona--very cold Corona--works best;-)

WHY NOT ME?

You Can Be or Do Anything---ANYTHING!
Suck It Up, Princess and Get Busy Making It Happen!

I've just gotten back from an annual guy's weekend in mountains of extreme western North Carolina. For 23 years we've been getting together in some form to golf, hike, eat, drink, laugh and attend the Gathering of the Clans and Scottish Games on Grandfather Mt.

We had a wonderful time playing golf (shot a good round despite the strained back muscles--*never accept last minute swing tips from your scratch golfer friend), relaxing and drinking on the deck of a restaurant looking out over 40 miles of mountains and deep, curving valleys, and hiking up to Table Rock (despite the five-foot-long Rattlesnake in the path on the way down that caused Pat Houghton to wet his shorts.) But, it was on the long, lonely drive down there that I experienced a great "Fred Selfe moment."

Somewhere along the way I picked up the mobile phone and returned a call from Dr. Charles Sydnor. He's been a mentor since college and I always enjoy the chance to talk with him--about Nazis (a subject on which he is an expert) or football or business or just to catch up on life. Dr. Syndor (he KEEPS asking me call him Charlie, but I simply cannot do it, just as I cannot call my friend Virgil Goode anything other than "Congressman Goode") recently retired as CEO of Central Va. Educational Television and is back helping Emory and Henry and the new president, Dr. Reichard, with major development projects like Fred Selfe Stadium and the Center for the Arts. We talked so intently about the college's new sports complex and raising money for the $5 million project that I almost missed the first chapter of a new book on CD I'd purchased for the trip--Donny Deutsch's Often Wrong, Never in Doubt.

I've been watching Donny's show, The Big Idea (weeknights 10pm CNBC), for a few months now and really enjoy it. Could be Donny's style: refreshing, open, caution-to-the-wind, friendly and relaxed. Or perhaps it's the jeans, blazer and open collar dress shirt look, or the tough Queens, NY dialect, or the way he easily goes from politics to economics to pop culture that makes the show attractive to me. Whatever it is made me pick up the book on CD and now I had to go back and start it again. And I'm glad I did.

The "Fred Selfe moment" came when Donny described his life philosophy that took him from Van Buren High School to his multi-million dollar advertising agency and the CNBC show. He calls it: "Why not me?" It is the process of being driven by looking around at what you want, then converting that passive "wanting" into a true sense of ownership of the "want." Hey that guy has a successful business and I'm smarter, cooler, a better salesman, a better leader, possess a bigger set of cajones--why not me? The answer has to be I CAN! Ninety-nine percent of people are not born "great"--they work at it. They pull themselves up from the coalfields of Virginia or out of the streets of Brooklyn with the mindset that they can be or do anything. If you dream of being the CEO of a major company, take the steps to get there. If you want to be president of the U.S. know--really KNOW--that you CAN be that and get to work making it happen.

Once you own the "WHY NOT ME?"--change your thinking to I CAN BE/DO ANYTHING anyone else can be/do, you just have to figure out how to go about it. Simple.

That's really what The Big Idea is all about about probably why I like it so much. One night it's Bill Gates, the next night it's a mom, Alicia Shaffer, who turned her need for a better, more fashionable way to carry her baby into a million dollar product, the Peanut Shell sling.

If your sitting there with a big idea, or just looking at your mediocre company and wondering why a competitor is getting all the business or media attention, ask yourself "Why not me?" --I can do that--then taking the steps to make it happen. The only thing separating you from that success is the decision to BE that thing.

INDEPENDENCE DAY

Happy Fourth of July!

Enjoy the day with family and friends, but remember those who came before us and those who serve us now--our troops and their families.

Okay, one rant because I just cannot resist: I was watching the Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest (this is the start of the problem) live from Coney Island and overheard the emcee call the line of very odd men and women sitting in front of piles meat and buns, "athletes." Are you kidding? As someone who has been around real athletes I am appalled they call a guy dressed in a giant coonskin hat or a skinny Japanese guy with yellow hair who stuffs things into their mouths "athletes."

It's another fine example of how we tear things down--standards or titles--because the majority of people cannot reach them. Instead of raising people up to higher standards, we simply pull down the standard so anyone who can eat something quickly can be called an athlete. How would it look to see some slob covered in hot dog parts on the cover of Sports Illustrated alongside Venus Williams, Lance Armstrong, LeBron James, Peyton Manning, or Clinton "Ramgage" Jackson.We keep denigrating rare things until they no longer have meaning. And our culture shows it...so few have meaning.

Same thing goes for "video game athletes." These people sit on their backsides and press buttons. THEY ARE NON-ATHLETES! Get outside and skateboard for yourself. You are not Tony Hawk bacause you play his video game. To be Tony Hawk you have to skateboard--outside on a REAL skateboard with your own body. In fact, you have to master skateboarding and that cannot be done by flicking buttons sitting on a sofa. Instead of sitting around your living room in your nasty pajamas and thumbing your way to John Madden NFL glory, get outside and play the game. throw a ball; catch or kick one. Then, call yourself an athlete. Heck, call yourself John Madden for all I care, but if you don't play the game, don't take on a title you don't deserve.

On Paula Abdul's new reality show, Hey Paula!, her very odd stylist tells her people are trying to tear her down and she replies, "But I'm a warrior." A warrior? Is she kidding? She fights to stay sane or to find a new job or get to the Grammys on time, but she is NOT a warrior. The Marine (Maj. Doug Zembiec) in the post below is a warrior. My cousin Maj. Andrew Warren is a warrior. Paula Abdul is a quasi-entertainer.

Mr. Conspicuous Consumption, Arnold Schwarzenenegger calls himself an environmentalist because he has a hybrid Hummer? Or Al Gore whose carbon footprint on his five or six homes is greater than Honduras? We've used the word "revolution" to describe everything from razors to diet drugs to cat litter. What are we going to call an armed insurrection if we have one? Did I just answer my own question? Okay, what about the word "Czar"? Comes from the Latin "Caesar" and has been used as a title to describe the supreme ruler of Bulgaria, Serbia and Russia since the 900s. Now we have drug czars, war czars, energy czars, cupcake czars. When does the insanity end?

Drug dealers are not "alternative pharmacists."

Al Sharpton is not a "Reverend."

Bloggers are not "journalists."

Dr. Love is not a "Doctor." Come to think of it, neither is Dr. Hook. Oh, and hate to break your heart, but the Captain, of Capt. and Tennille fame, is not a "Captain."

Paris Hilton is not a ... well, Paris Hilton is nothing really.

Competitive eaters are not athletes. They are people who stuff foods into their bodies. Let's stop tearing down high standards and rare titles. Gives us all something for which to shoot. So the American guy, Joey Chestnut, who just beat the reigning champ, Takeru Kobayashi, by downing 66 hot dogs in 12 mins. should wake this morning and call himself a competitive eater or food stuffer, but not an athlete. Oh, and hot dogs are not really dogs, so maybe we should also rethink that.